To Get Better Treatment, Hint That You're Pregnant.

Welcome to Evil Week, when we delve yearly into all the dubious hacks that we would normally advise against. We've got all the information you need to be successfully unsavoury, whether your goal is to play intricate mind games, launder some money, or weasel your way into free drinks.

The worst people you know usually save lying or making jokes about being pregnant for April Fool's Day because it's disgusting and nasty. Nonetheless, it's a life skill that benefits everyone to imply or just admit that you're pregnant (even though you aren't). To clarify, let me say.

What makes not denying a pregnancy okay but lying about it bad?

Lying about being pregnant, especially in public, is a slap in the face to anyone who has struggled for any reason to become or remain pregnant. It's just pathetic behavior. As someone who was fortunate enough to be born after my parents' eight previous failed attempts to conceive, I say this. I've never taken my parents' efforts for granted because they brought me up with the special blend of happiness and heartbreak that many couples experience during pregnancy.

It's not as bad, though, if someone believes you are pregnant and you don't tell them otherwise. You are open to people's thoughts and treatment based on their preconceived notions. It always takes place. For example, even though I'm almost 32, I sometimes appear much younger because, when I go without makeup, people treat me like a little child. My only moments of speaking are when I'm pulled over and accused of being a truant or runaway, which has happened. It is not your duty to explain who you are to every person you encounter. It's not your fault if someone believes you are pregnant, for example, because you appear worn out and are resting your hand on your stomach, which you are actually pushing out rather than sucking in. It would be foolish to tell them you are not actually pregnant if they, I don't know, offer you a seat on the train. You would really just make them feel uncomfortable, which is rude.

You see where this is going.

What an implied pregnancy can get you.

Notoriety-wise, I had to use the restroom profusely after a lengthy commute. Although it is common knowledge that New York Citybodega patrons are reluctant to enter the restroom past the deli counter, I had an urgent situation. I tried to look a little crazy as I put my hand on my stomach and asked the cashier, "Can I please use the bathroom?" I looked down at my stomach and then back up at him. It startled him instantly. I could tell he wasn't sure if I was pregnant (which I wasn't), but he was mentally running through every scenario that might occur. I mean, he could ask me if I was pregnant, and then create this awkward situation where, if I was, he's just asking me a very personal question, and if I wasn't, I would be insulted by the suggestion. He could be a jerk in front of other customers, refuse to let a potentially pregnant woman use the restroom, and possibly even cause me to throw up in his store. An inconvenience that would only last a few minutes would be caused if he allowed me to go behind the counter and into the restroom.

Third choice prevailed.

Nobody was harmed back then, and nobody is harmed today if someone offers you a seat on a crowded train because they are choosing to err on the side of caution in case you are carrying a future human being. Simply put, you're allowing other people's presumptions to determine how they treat you rather than making fun of anyone. You can avoid long lines, use the restroom whenever you need to at conferences, decline advances without worrying that the guy will become hostile, and you might even be able to get an upgraded seat or other perk when traveling. You're not doing anything wrong, and the options are infinite. Therefore, put your hand right on your stomach, appear as exhausted as you can, and open yourself up to blessings.

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